Interview Series: Nicky Ottav


state your name / age / occupation

nicky ottav / 19 / student and photographer

what is your current relationship status?

single and ready to mingle. and mingling.

what is dating in LA like vs NYC?

well, for me, i guess i don’t really know too much about dating except that dating begins in the club because that’s how it’s been for me in both cities. they’re similar for me at least in that way wherein you meet people at the club and then you have some interest in them and go out afterwards.  the difference between them is that in NYC you talk to people a lot more, the music isn’t as loud in the clubs so it’s more conducive for actually talking and being able to see if you actually like a person before you hit them up to go out. whereas in LA, you’re kind of just like oh that person looks good, i’ll see if i can take them out in hopes that they have a good personality – which often times they don’t. that’s where NYC has a leg up.

are you looking for love right now? do you believe in true love?

yea, i do believe in true love and yes I’m looking for it right now. i’m really looking for it actually. that’s the most important part of the relationship to me, the love – someone that validates you in a way your friends and family just can’t.

how did you lose your virginity?

i lost my virginity – actually this is so california haha – i lost it in malibu on this ranch in an airstream camper with an ex-girlfriend in the summer. it was very picturesque. the colors of the memory are very orange and yellow and warm.

wait… do you date girls now?

no. that’s just in the past.


i thought so haha. have you ever dated a guy who was bisexual?

yea, almost exclusively, unfortunately. it sucks. honestly, i don’t ever suggest it and i’m really trying to steer myself away from it because i’m not a jealous type, but you’re already thinking that they could be looking at other dudes and then it’s extra stressful to have to watch out for girls, too. for me personally, all of my friends that are girls are hot as fuck, so it sucks to have to bring them around…

like if your man tried to fuck one of them?

and they do. absolutely they do. i’ve had a friend date an ex afterwards and it sucks. it’s a weird mind fuck because it’s not really ‘girl code’ but it kind of is.

what’re some of your turn ons and turn offs?

i think this is why i date bi guys so often because a big turn on for me is masculinity. you know what I mean? i like the support and comfort of someone. i guess that’s how i see my dad…as like a breadwinner sort of. i don’t know. i like to be taken care of. i don’t feel that i’m particularly feminine. what i do seems to me like something else, but i guess that’s kind of my role. i see myself as more on the feminine side. i guess i must be modeled after my parents relationship.

turn offs?

oh jeez. thirsty people. like don’t ask me to follow you on instagram right off the bat. i’ll see you, i’ll find you, and if we like each other then we will. it’s a weird thing when you bring social media into the relationship. i need accountability. a turn on is someone who comes through on their promises. more turn offs would be: bad style, when you try to act straight around your friends – i hate that, someone who needs too much attention (i guess i need too much attention) like how can we split attention haha.


you’re not afraid to be who you are and that’s what i admire about you – have you ever been targeted in any negative way and has that ever had an affect on your relationships?

yes, but it’s been in a positive way actually. when i do get targeted for hate, which i do, you have to really love yourself to get past it. i get a lot of hate mail and even on the street people have snide remarks. i have to delete a lot of comments off my instagram, which is why you probably don’t see them. people are fucking dicks. i think it’s only brought me closer in my relationships because if they’re with me to begin with then they’re pretty much down for this and down for me. i really find that helpful when it comes to dealing with people that don’t even know you. people hate me from that fashion week video and they don’t even know me. they know me from a comment i said, but they don’t actually know me. it helps me deal with all the bad when i have someone who does know me by my side supporting me.

that line was hilarious!! you were just being your sassy self.

yea, i was trying to be funny and also make a point. the picture showed a guy with a watermelon on his head and to me that’s fashion! look it up! it looks cool! it looked like an editorial piece haha. so to answer your question – having a relationship helps me because it backs me up and gives me the confidence to keep doing what i’m doing.

there are so many haters out there that are just unsatisfied with their own lives and lash out on people. it always helps to have someone on your team! how do you normally like your men to dress?

i like them to dress masculine. i started to get involved with this guy in new york who is kind of a wild dresser, but then i got over it. like if i saw me at the club i wouldn’t be attracted to me (because i dress up crazy). i just don’t need a twin of me. not that i don’t like when people do their thing – it’s just personal preference.


opposites do attract. have you noticed a difference dating in high school vs college?

well i don’t live at home now, so there’s a lot more freedom for me to do what i want. when i was in high school and i was dating i couldn’t sleepover anywhere.. and that can kind of kill a relationship. i couldn’t bring people over either, so there was a lot of car hook ups haha which is not ideal. that’s high school dating. now that i don’t live at home i could actually carry on a relationship. it’s easier now that i don’t have my parents to attend to 24/7. my parents are really into me – i can’t have a relationship with someone if they’re in the same city haha.

have you ever been on any embarrassing / awkward first dates?

 hmm… well usually i just go to the club and then (if i like someone) we hang out or go to dinner or something later. i don’t really consider it dating. sometimes i’ll take someone out to a casual party and try to figure them out – whether they’re sus or not. i never really go on formal “dates” like dinner and a movie. i’ve tried to do that, but often people don’t think it’s in fashion. i went on this second date one time and i had to pick the guy up from a nude modeling gig… i’m not even lying.

haha damn! you got to see what he was working with i’m sure haha.

haha yea it was crazy. his whole body was painted red and they paid him with free drinks, so he got really wasted and that’s how the night began. we were making out and i got red all over my face haha. it was really awkward because he was drunk the whole time and i was sober because i was driving. it was weird.


have you ever hooked up with someone while wearing your extremely tall, stacked shoes? did you like it?

yes and yes haha. i’m telling you, bitch to bitch, i don’t ever take them off. i’ve taken off my shoes to take off my pants (to hook up) and then laced up my shoes again haha. i’m never down to be short. ever.

are you a top or a bottom?

umm, i’m still trying to figure that out for myself to be honest with you. i’m still pretty young, so i’m not 100% sure. i’m testing all my waters. i’ve had good and bad experiences with both so i don’t know. and i hate that you have to pick a side. i’m open to either i think it just depends on the guy. it’s kind of hard for gay people to date in a lot of ways because you never know who’s dominate and who’s submissive. you could end up in bed with someone that you expected to be one way, but was the total opposite – then you have to kind of figure out where you’re going from there. i’m just a go along to get along kind of person. i want to go with the flow. i’m a huge pleaser, so sometimes i put myself in shitty situations where i conform for the person i’m with whether i want to do it or not. that’s what i’m trying to work away from. i just want my mate to be happy and for there to be no bumps in the relationships. i’m trying to hold my own.

put that penis on a pedestal, hunny! 

thinking of yourself highly is another trend of 2014, i swear. respect yourself. i’m over feeling bad over something because i let someone walk all over me.

amen to that. loving yourself is the most important thing you can do! there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but there’s only one you at the end of the day. treasure yourself. are you a flirt on the internet?

i just went on tinder for the first time and there were too many people that i knew on there. i couldn’t not favorite them because i wanted to see if they liked me, too. they always favorited back so then it was kind of awkward. at first i was down, but then it just made things awkward when i would see them out at HAM parties. someone has to make the first move haha.


what’s the most serious relationship you’ve been in?

i don’t know… i’ve been in friendships that were so serious i almost thought they were relationships. as far as dating goes the most serious it’s been was with the guy i was talking about who was painted red haha. it ended up working out after that and we were together for awhile. he was bisexual and actually polyamorous. he was very upfront about it, which i respected, but he had a girlfriend the entire time we dated. i can’t even believe i’m saying this. it was so long ago i’m such a different person now. i was so young. this is where all the conforming stuff comes from. then i ended up getting dumped because they decided they just wanted to be one on one with each other. so dumb i would never agree to something like that now. he’s been trying to get at me recently. i guess he did some traveling and figured out what he wants. he’s a fireman. he’s really handsome. so we’ll see. i think he feels bad about everything. but all of that pales in comparison to my friendships. i’ve had such intense friendships i felt like i was married.

describe yourself as a lover/boyfriend.

i’m definitely the one that creates things to do. usually i’m the one that needs you to adopt my friends. like spice girls “if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends” type of thing. i need you to be a part of my friend circle. i am someone who’s very social and likes nice dates. let’s go to a movie, let’s hang out and watch episodes of this, let’s have dinner here, let’s go to this party, come to my club night, etc. i’m super giving and really generous. i love giving gifts. i give way too much haha. i’m the pleaser, the one who keeps it going and keeps it together.


do you have any fetishes?

yes. i think public sex is pretty fucking hot. i like that it’s almost like we’re doing something bad. i think safe sex is really hot. i’m actually really turned on by condoms. i think they’re really sexy. i love going to sex stores and getting little goodies and toys. i love the pleasure chest. i love getting sexessories haha. i just think everything is a cartoon – my whole life is like a cartoon, so i guess i just want to make my sexual experiences as much fun and cartoonish as possible. not in a lame way though. in a very kawaii/anime way.

what would your perfect first date be?

take me on a jet to japan and buy me kawaii shit. in real life, take me to little tokyo and get kawaii purikura booth pictures with me. i don’t want him to be kawaii, but i want him to know what kawaii is and be down for it. he has to be. if any of the kawaii shit annoys you get the fuck out.

do you have any final words/last thoughts on love/sex/relationships etc.?

i just wrote this blog post for what i thought my big things in 2014 (things that i’m working on) would be and the top three things are: 1. valuing yourself highly 2. be kind and follow etiquette – be thoughtful 3. love yourself enough to not be taken advantage of and treat people how you want to be treated. these are things i really want to learn. i want to practice what i preach in 2014. practice love and be PLUR.