Interview Series: Megan Duffy

MEGAN DUFFY 9

state your name / age / occupation

my name is megan duffy / i’m over 18 / i make my living as an actor

so your last big relationship last six years, tell me how it’s been coming out of that, how you’re feeling, etc.

it’s been about a year and a half, but it still feels kind of fresh in a lot of ways. i met my ex through friends and we just connected. i met him at a point in my life where i was going through a lot of stuff and i needed someone, and he exceeded my expectations. we went on about 6 or 7 dates before we even kissed and talked all the time. i think we were probably 6 weeks in before we even slept together (which is the longest i’ve ever gone) and we got along really amazingly. we were together about 6 years and 4 years in he asked me to marry him and i said yes, and then it just kind of stopped being awesome…

what happened? did you plan the wedding and everything?

we talked about ideas for the wedding… i don’t even know that i believe in marriage, now that i’ve had some time to think about it. i was never the little girl who wanted to look at wedding dresses. i just never was excited – and maybe it’s because i play dress up for a living that i’ve never cared about having a big day or a beautiful gown, etc. i think a lot of people get stuck in relationships that aren’t working because it’s easier than ending them. i guess, in terms of marriage, i think it’s unrealistic to sign a document that says you and this other person have to be together for the rest of your lives. it seems so unreasonable. it used to make sense back in the day with dowries and bringing families together, and maybe if you live in a small town and that’s all you want out of life then that’s fine, but it’s not for me. you never know what’s going to happen or who you’re going to meet. signing a piece of paper that says i’m never going to change and if i do want to change my partner has to change with me – it just doesn’t make sense. when we were planning the wedding we had everything worked out – the party, the courthouse, everything. for me it was the commitment thing, like wow this is really forever, and then our dynamic slowly started to change. initially he was more well-off than i was, so to pull my own weight i would do house chores and make dinner and all that. then i started making just as much money as him, but i was still doing everything. then i was doing better than him, and still doing everything. then i hired a housekeeper and he would complain that the housekeeper would put everything away when that was the point… i don’t know i just want someone who is my partner in crime and he wanted to stay in every night and watch tv. i noticed that all my class schedules revolved around his band practices, and i realized i wasn’t living my life for myself. slowly our sex life fizzled…

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huge red flag.

everything just got too comfortable… we were best friends, and i still love him to pieces, but i just didn’t want to not have sex for the rest of my life or be a mother. i want someone who lifts me up.

someone who pushes you to be better and do better. 

yes. we were just going in different directions. i think he wanted a life that was comfortable, and i want adventure. i want to keep growing and learning.

nothing wrong with a good adventure, we only have one life to live! how did you adjust to the break up?

initially it was really hard. it took me a long time to be able to sleep alone. more than anything else, i believe that you should be your own person, and that’s when you can really let someone in. i think that’s a mistake a lot of people make is that when one relationship will end, instead of figuring out why it ended and taking the time to figure out who you are so that you’re a complete person, people will try to avenge what they just went through.

most people go on a fuck-fest, which is never the solution. 

or people hop back into another relationship. my ex, now a year and a half later, is married and has a baby on the way. first girl he met.

it sounds like he knew what he wanted. 

there are just some people that don’t want to be alone. i just don’t identify with someone where all they want to do it meet someone and get married. why don’t you aspire to be awesome on your own? and then finding someone cool.

do you believe in the age old story that it takes half the time you were dating someone to get over them?

i don’t know. when word got out that i was single, most guys i knew came out of the wood work to get at me. even new guy i’d meet were coming on strong and it was just so gross to me. there was a couple nice people i met, but i definitely still needed time. i had a one-night stand just to get it out of my system (i didn’t even tell most of my girlfriends about it). it was not good. i had to be super drunk to even do it. there’s still a pending facebook request from him a year later haha. after that i just started telling people my vagina was closed for the summer. a lot of guys would cancel, but there were some guys tried to take the challenge. i just knew that i was in such a weird emotional state, that i didn’t want to risk latching on to someone who was unhealthy for me. i guess it was about 4 months that lasted, and honestly it was the best thing for me.

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re-virginizing yourself is definitely a part of the process. 

for me, i love having sex, especially if it’s with someone that i’m seeing. if it’s just a casual thing it’s hard for me to enjoy myself because i know that they’re probably hooking up with other people besides me and that’s just gross. after i found out my ex was dating i went numb for awhile. i had no feelings. it was really strange for me because i’m normally such a happy person. it didn’t help that this happened right around the holidays last year.

being numb to your emotions can be a dangerous thing. i’ve been there before and i can say that i would rather feel my highest highs and lowest lows that feel nothing at all. 

i feel the same way. but yea so it’s been a year and a half and i feel at peace. i could definitely let someone in again.

are you looking to be in another relationship?

i’m not looking… if someone asks me out i’m down to go out and have dinner and drinks. a lot of my girlfriends date often and keep encouraging me to date again, but i get my heart broken enough from the field i’m in. i see them get really excited about a guy for 2 or 3 weeks and then it fizzles for some horrible reason. that sounds terrible to me. there was one person i dated for a little who i really liked. initially he seemed really cool and supportive, and he ended up being this nightmare of a human. the worst part is that i didn’t really see it coming because i didn’t really know. i’m not even a dater haha.

well you’d been out of the dating circle for a while so i can only imagine what it must’ve been like. it’s hard to come out of a 6 year relationship and then get back into the vicious world of dating – where you kind of have to keep your guard up. 

the way that i’m programmed is that when i have affection for someone, it’s only for that one person. i always joke with my girlfriends that maybe it’s because i’m so small that i only have enough room for one person. the idea of going on a date with someone on tuesday and having sex with them, and then going on a date friday with someone else and having sex with them… it’s like no fucking way. that doesn’t even make sense to me.

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dating can be very incestual, especially in big cities where it’s polluted with people who are just trying to fuck.

 i have a strict ‘no fucking’ policy for anyone who has fucked any of my friends, which is interesting because the nightmare i tried to date after my ex had sex with one of my friends while we were dating…

jesus, can anyone control themselves anymore? i’ve had to deal with that to… never a fun situation. i usually just cut ties. i can’t be bothered with bullshit. 

this is a girl who had been in my life for a long time and would try to fuck any guy i brought her around. no one would ever go for it because they would look at her and be like ‘that girl is a petri dish’ haha. that’s the only way to describe it.

seriously! like is your pussy a homing beacon? you’re trying to jump on every dick and that is never a good look. moving on – would you ever date another actor?

um… i guess it would depend. there’s someone i kind of started seeing recently, but it’s super new, and he has a background in acting, but that’s not what he actually does right now. he’s lovely so far. i don’t know. i’m pretty lucky so far in that i make a fair amount of money and get good work and get to travel. if you date someone that’s in the same field as you (that has it’s ups and downs like acting does), it’s hard not to have something competitive going on. but if you met someone and they were really amazing and that was the only undesirable quality, i would probably still go for it. i think it depends a lot on the person.

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do guys ever lurk you because you’re an actress?

yes! i definitely have people who have sought me out because they saw the movie ‘maniac’ i was in and asked me out. there’s a lot of people i knew who wouldn’t give me the time of day who, after seeing the movie, hit me up to hang out.

SUS. fake ass people.

and i’m like oh now that you’ve seen my boobs you’re into it? haha. but really, weirdly, i was also on an episode of mad men where i also take my shirt off – i don’t know how that became my niche haha – and people would reach out to me to grab a drink. i took the people who had seen me in mad men more seriously than the people who had seen me in maniac. maniac is weird. i get weird emails from all over the world. everyone i’ve met in los angeles has been cool though. the funny thing is that’s happened to me a few times now is that if i go on a date with someone who’s seen maniac has tried to choke me while we’re kissing haha. that’s how i died in the movie!

are you even down for that?

no! i think it’s creepy. that was not a fun scene to shoot. we were shooting in point of view style, so when elijah (wood) is choking me, he was really choking me! i had a couple bruises from it – which he did not harm me i want to make that very clear – but it was just the nature of what we were doing and we had to give 100% for the performance. so it wasn’t really enjoyable and i don’t think of choking as something that’s exciting for me.

see i’m the opposite haha. i don’t mind being choked a little during the heat of the moment. i mean the first time it happened to me i was caught off-guard, but i started liking it.

and see that’s the thing – i’d never been choked before. and also, i wasn’t choked in a sexual way, i was choked in a murderous way haha. it happens almost every time i go on a date. i had to physically slap someone because they kept trying to do it! it’s like what are you doing?

like are you trying to kill me?

that’s where my mind goes haha. every guy who has seen the movie has tried to choke me and i’m over it. that’s another reason im not on okcupid or anything like that. i’m also the kind of girl where if i’m going on a date with someone i don’t know or have mutual friends with i tell my girlfriends where i’m going to be and the name of the guy just in case anything happens. beside being murdered by someone you meet online, aren’t you afraid to hook up with them? like what if they have sexual diseases? 80% of los angeles has HPV do you know this? you don’t even need to have sex to get it. it’s terrifying all the things that could spiral out of hand just from hooking up with someone you met online one time.

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yikes. i am not about that life. what is your preferred choice of birth control?

i use condoms. i don’t take birth control – i’ve been on a few different kinds and they make me so sick. the last one i was on was yazmin and i stopped because people started getting these blood clots. i also had really bad migraines from birth control and it made me really dry so i didn’t like having sex. it was miserable. i would have a week out of every month where i was extremely depressed and crying and didn’t know what was wrong with me. then i realized it was the birth control. when i was with my fiancé i let him pull out but… pretty much condoms all the time.

that’s good. i feel like most times people are quick to jump in bed without a condom, which isn’t very safe. 

i normally carry one with me because even if i’m not using it maybe my girl friend might need it.

what are some turn ons and turn offs for you?

i like a guy who treats me nicely, which is so weird because a lot of girls like guys that are mean to them. i like guys who are nice to me. if a guy is seeing another girl and i know about it, huge turn off. like i lose my attraction to them instantly. people who shower regularly – if we went on a date and you showered, turn on. guys who make their bed in the morning, turn on. i make my bed every morning, it takes 30 seconds. i don’t like guys who are excessive. guys who are super mopey, big turn off. people who have pets and are nice to those pets, huge turn on. i like guys with fashion sense, but not too much fashion sense because you can’t be prettier than i am. if you can make me laugh, turn on. you gotta be smart and funny. i love an open mind. someone who works hard is a major turn on. i’m not really big on smokers… i usually go for writer/director types, i just love creative people. also, if you’re nice to my cat that is a huge turn on.

how did you lose your virginity?

when i was a teenager i was in dance and it’s all i ever did. i had no interest in anything outside of that world. i ended up falling in crazy love with someone i met in dance, who turned out to not like girls, so it was that way and it was awful. i think we were both just still learning. i didn’t know and he didn’t know (he was gay) and we would make out and it felt nice. i think he’s married to a boy now. it was funny because i remember he came out the same week a different guy i’d fallen head over heels with came out, and it was like what is wrong with me that i only date gay men?

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do you have any fetishes? what do you like in bed?

i have a handful of things. i guess it kind of changes with each person. i really like doggy style sex. the way that it hits me just feels so good. when i ride a guy it’s when i want to get off quicker. sometimes i’m really loud and like to say encouraging things if i’m really in the mood. it’s wonderful when someone knows how to touch you right. i’m usually open to having my hair pulled gently. definitely don’t like being choked. for me it’s so much about the connection i have with someone else. i’m not a big anal girl. i’m 5 feet tall, i’m pretty proportionate and i won’t go into detail, but i am proportionate. one of the issues i had with my ex was that he was hung and there was so much preparation that went into making sure that it fit. so anal would just be ow! it’s just a funny feeling, i don’t like it. ouch! i feel like it’s something you see in porn, but you don’t see that there’s an enema beforehand, so guys just think it’s chill when there are problems that could arise.

do you have any final words/last thoughts on sex/relationships/etc.?

oh shit haha. i think it’s really important for people to take the time they need to heal. i guess i’m a little different than most girls here, i don’t just jump into bed with anybody. everyone made me feel weird for not wanting to date all the time and not constantly searching for someone, and i don’t think there’s anything wrong with being single. everyone lives their lives how they want by doing what makes them happy. i think especially with sex, with media and everything, there’s this pressure to date and be ‘normal’, but there is no normal. it’s okay to be different and be on your own. also, because i’m nude in this movie i feel like people assume that i’m promiscuous when i’m not. i dress really provocatively, i hate wearing a bra, my nipples are always showing. you can be sexy and be a sexual being without sleeping with everyone. it’s good to be selective about that. be safe, be healthy, be true to yourself.

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